Coming from a woman like me, I spent most of my life beginning at age 12 being somebody "better". Hmmm better? Is it possible to ever reach an end goal when we try to be "better"? No, and why? Because once we reach one thing, we want to be better than that. And better than the last. And even better than the last. It goes on and on and we are never fully satisfied. So, here I was as young as 12, always told that I could be someone 'better' and these words stuck with me. I looked at other girls and compared myself constantly. I saw a hair color on someone else and I wanted it. I saw a body type and I desired to be that thin. I saw someone who had blue eyes and I asked for blue contacts. I mean, the list goes on ladies.
There is a vicious cycle that Satan tries to tempt us with. I am continually learning that the cycle won't be broken unless I seek the LORD first in every single day. Satan tries to make us think that we are not pretty enough or thin enough so what do we do? We eat better and exercise. Yet, it's beginning to become unhealthy. We obsess over who we are. We can't stop counting calories, eating less and less, and exercising to the ponit of passing out. Then after some-odd months we reach our goal. We feel on top of the world and pride begins to strike us. Once pride hits, then comes the fall (Proverbs 16:8). We crash to the ground, wanting something MORE than what we've already accomplished so we move onto the next thing and start from square one.
Ladies, there is never full satisfaction when you look unto yourself. God did not create us this way! He specifically programmed us to desire His face! He is the ultimate satisfaction! I struggled with this vicious cycle for over a year. I was so broken that depression, loss of sleep, anxiety, and fear overtook me. Satan had me just where he wanted me, but my God was ever so faithful to never leave my side. I remember one night I was praying a prayer like this: "Lord, I pray that I could just be better. I just pray to look better, to feel better, to be thinner." Do you know what verse He gave me that night? James 4:2-3, "You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask. You ask, and do not receive because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures."
Ladies, the only reason I wanted to be 'more beautiful' on the outside was to gain attraction from people. God wasn't even in my reasoning as to why I wanted to look better. I listened to a message a woman gave to women at a Resolved conference a few years ago. She had us ask ourselves some questions and one was, "Do you eat healthy and work out to look better for you? Or do you do it so that you are ready for the Lord's work?" I know what my answer was. We are always trying to strive to be better. Yet, when we strive to LOOK better, we always end up failing because our hope isn't in looks, the mirror, or the newest fashion.. it's in Jesus Christ.
We need to stop comparing ourselves to other women, ladies. 2 Corinthians 10:12 says, "For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise. We, however, will not boast beyond measure, but within the limits of the sphere which God appointed us--a sphere which especially includes you."
Look unto JESUS, the Author and Finisher of our faith. He is the only source of satisfaction we will find, ladies. Let me tell you, when I was only focused on my looks, everything around me crumbled. My walk began to fall to the wayside. My heart began to get ugly and bitter. My pride sprang up. My motives were all off. The world seemed to be desirable. This is what Satan wants! He wants us to say 'goodbye' to the lifestyle of holiness and purity we are called to, and to say hello to the world's standards. When I struggled incessantly with my looks, I just know that everyone around me knew where I was spiritually.... dead.
Ladies, I spent more time thinking food was my enemy, than nourishing the body God gave me. I spent more time looking in the mirror trying to alter myself than being blessed in the Lord for creating me in His image. When we focus all our attention on self we will never be satisfied.
I want to encourage you to STEP OUT of that sin. It is SIN when we focus on ourselves, and it is sin when we begin to feed into Satan's lies. God is greater, and He is looking at your heart rather than your appearance. Our hearts needs to be daily surrendered, broken, and sanctified. We need to pray that our hearts would radiate the beauty...not our looks. I still struggle with this, and I'm 22. I know that this struggle will be with me the rest of my life. It's just the battle we have to face as women in the Lord. Girls, take it as a BLESSING when you fall into this trial..because the devil knows that you're on God's team, so he's going to try everything he can to win you over. Do not be deceived! It says in 2 Corinthians 11:14 that even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. It looks beautiful on the outside, but it is dangerous, deceptive, and it will destroy you.
I must admit, the past two weeks have been major spiritual attacks. I have been honored, and blessed to be asked to speak at an all girls Purity Conference this Summer in my home town. My best friend Katie and I are teaming up to share the abundance of a life with Christ to these ladies. We got together to pray the other day about the conference, and about all the Lord wanted to speak through us, and then all of a sudden the attack came on heavy. I began to go back to that dark, dreadful, dangerous place of feeling not good enough, not thin enough, and not beautiful enough. I began to comare myself and say no to food that I should have eaten, exercise a bunch and only have the self perspective in mind rather than the eternal perspective. It caused me to be afraid to turn to Jesus, so isntead I turned to other things to keep me busy, television, work, school, and stress came heavy upon me. One morning this week before work I just laid on my bed and cried out to God. I just remember the darkness I fell into in my past and was so terrified of going back there. For two weeks I felt like I was slipping back into that black hole of despair and hopelessness. Then, the Lord spoke to me so clearly. I was so comforted. He said, "Ang, you are going to struggle with this your entire life. DO NOT lose focus of the eternal, of who I am. This will be a battle, but through Me you can overcome it, and you will be victorious. Stop looking at yourself and get your eyes fixed upon Me, and the purpsoe I have called you to. Through these trials, I will use you and bring you to joy."
It was like a break of relief. I knew that the Lord had preserved and saved me from that dark place a year ago. Even though I feared coming back to it, His love and faithfulness prevailed and always will. Ladies, if Satan doesn't try to trip you up in one area you struggle with, he will try to trip you up in another area you struggle with. But we do not have to be fearful! We do not need to believe his lies, or lose hope, or get discouraged. God knows your frame, He remembers you are dust. It says in Psalm 33:15, "He fashions their hearts individually; He considers all their works."
I want to encourage you with something I read in my devotional that morning after I had a sweet time with the LORD. I read Spurgeon every morning, and it was so neat how the LORD worked it all out. Spurgeon went on to say,
"It is ever the Holy Spirit's work to turn our eyes away from self to Jesus; but Satan's work is just the opposite of this, for he is constantly trying to make us regard ourselves instead of Christ. He insinuates, 'Your sins are too great for pardon; you have no faith; you do not repent enough; you will never be able to continue to the end; you have not the joy of His children; you have such a wavering hold of Jesus.' All these are thoughts about self, and we shall never find comfort or assurance by looking within. But the Holy Spirit turns our eyes entirely away from self: He tells us that we are nothing, but that 'Christ is all in all.'" Hebrews 12:2
Ladies, get your eyes OFF of yourself and fix them on Jesus! Stop obsessing about what you look like, and start yearning for who Jesus is! Spend more time on your knees than in front of the mirror! We are called to a higher lifestyle than the world has to offer. Full and perminant satisfaction comes from Jesus Christ, and Jesus ALONE! No other person can fulfill that, no other posession can suffice, no other materialistic thing can make you fully happy. Jesus is the One who satisfies forever. Look unto His face.
I just love this old hymn:
Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face.
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace.
"They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house, and You give them drink from the river of Your pleasures. For with You is the fountain of life; in Your light we see light."~Psalm 36:8-9
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