equal rights?

Equal rights is a subject that women in today's society hold in high regard. I can go back to the years where women desired equal pay, equal responsibilities, and equal leadership. It all sounds well, but is it really? What does the scriptures have to say about equality in men and women? I know one thing... God created Adam first then He created Eve. So what? What does that have to do with equality? Well, actually, it has EVERYTHING to do with equality. Ladies, I'm going to go on a whim and say something you'll probably end up hating me for. Women MUST submit under the authority of their husbands. Yeah, I know you're probably thinking, "Psh, you're not even married, or dating, what do you know? So bogus." Yeah sure maybe. But I have grown up in a ministry family where I've seen it all. I've seen relationships dwindle out because the woman refuses to submit to her husband. She ends up being bitter, angry, or callous towards him. Then what? She loses all respect for her husband, and eventually could careless how he feels. She's selfish. Unwilling to do what God has told her to.... submit.

Why? When we talk about authority we must remember one thing: God is our ultimate authority. We must submit under HIS authority above all else. When we submit under the authority of God, we are then asking to be broken, humbled, and surrendered fully under His lordship. So, what other authority has He called us to submit to? Let's take a look at the scriptures. And for those of you who are reading this who have no relationship with Jesus, I know you're thinking, "She's going back to the Bible. Why? It's not truth. It's just a book of old stories and fables. People are CRAZY and senile to believe in that stuff." Ok. Believe what you will. But how is it working out for you that your hope is placed in the world and not in Jesus? Read the Bible and you'll see it's not just a book of tales and fables. It's the inspired Word of God, true in all its entirety. Anyway... let's take a look at what the scriptures say. Genesis 2:7 says, "And the Lord GOD formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being." Who did? MAN. Now as we go ahead a little bit we read in Genesis 2:18, 21-22-23
"And the Lord GOD said, 'It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.' ... And the Lord GOD caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD GOD had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said, 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh o my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.'"

God created Adam FIRST. Notice how it says in this passage that God created a help comparable to him. Did he say, "identical"? "the same"? No... comparable. That means that Eve (or woman) wasn't created the same as Adam, or that she was equal to Adam, it says that she was his helper. We are called to HELP, not demand for equal rights. It goes on to say that God created Eve out of the rib of Adam. She was taken out of Man. Notice that God took part of Adam and created Eve. Many girls and guys believe that God doesn't have ONE specific person created for them in marriage. They believe that they can choose whoever they want to and God will bless it regardless. So, they go from relationship to relationship, just seeing if one will work out 'pretty well' and then they end up marrying, only to realize that this is a HUGE mistake, and a false belief. Why would God created Eve, for Adam, OUT OF ADAM, if He had 'several different' options in mind for Adam? Were there five girls Adam could choose from and he picked Eve? No... Eve was created FOR Adam, OUT OF Adam, and was ORDAINED for Adam. She was his helper, his companion. God told them to multiply. So where does sin come in? Well of course when Eve ate of the forbidden fruit. It talks in Genesis that Eve was the one who sinned. The woman messed up. Why do you think God made man the spiritual leader?

Ladies, when we claim that we want more pray, equal rights, and we refuse to do the things we are called to do, how does that help the family run? It is so sad seeing more women making their husbands stay home from work to raise the kids while they're out working at a high paying job and making tons of money. Selfish. I'm not saying women shouldn't work. There are scenarios in the family where it's the ONLY alternative and I know the Lord will use it. Yet, ladies, it is a blessing, honor, privilege to stay at home and raise those babies. If I as a neurosurgeon and my husband only worked at an office or, some other job that paid less, I would gladly stay home, quit my job, and raise our precious babies. Do you see the world out there? Public schools are not teaching on homosexuality, witchcraft, acceptance, tolerance. Whatever happened to godliness? The specific roles of men and women? I will get chewed out for this...but I do not care. It's not my life, it's God's. I am only abiding by His principles and commands.

I was teaching this Summer in a third grade classroom and I was reading a book on baseball with one of my students. I was appalled when I flipped to the next chapter to realize it was all about a 10 year old boy getting involved with the occult. Really? At 10 years old? It's sickening, disgusting, and repulsive to see the way our world is going. Now, I'm not saying home-school or Christian school are the two ONLY OPTIONS women should take. Sometimes public school works, and you may raise your children in such a way that they will be a light in that world. Yet, be on guard. Even for yourselves. The world is fleeting and becoming more and more destructive.

It is stated so much in scripture that women be under the authority of their husbands. Why? Let me tell you: God only ordained laws and commands because He loves you, and because He knows what's best. Don't you trust that God knows exactly what He's doing? The God who created the heavens and the earth and all its fullness. He ordained man to love his wife as Christ loved the church, and He ordained woman to love her husband and show respect. It's a beautiful thing when a woman submits.. it shows respect and honor toward her spouse.

Again, you all may think I'm crazy considering I'm not even dating. But this is a huge burden on my heart. Submission doesn't just go for marriage. What about our parents? Our managers? The people in ministry leadership positions? Our pastor? We all need to be submitting under the authority placed over us. It's all over scripture. If we lack submitting, then we obviously aren't fully surrendered to God. We must first submit under God's authority. It clearly states in scripture that if we refuse to submit then we are sinning against God. We are refusing to submit under God when we refuse to submit to those over us. Now, I'm not saying that if your spouse, or manager, or mother/father treat you horribly you are to submit. God is clear that you must submit but when they are telling you to do something against scripture, that's a different story. Of course I would never say "deal with it" when it comes to abuse, or neglect. Yet, we must give all things to God in prayer.

Take a look at the Proverbs 31 woman. Does it say anywhere in that passage that she was one to demand orders and refuse to obey the commands set before her? She was kind in speech and gentle. Wisdom was on her tongue and the law of kindness. Her husband favored her, and loved her, and why? Because she respected him, loved him, and submit to his authority. It says in 1 Corinthians 14:34-35, "Let your women keep silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak; but they are to be submissive, as the law also says. And if they want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at home; ..."

Ladies, I'm not sure where you got the notion that women can teach over men. God DID NOT ORDAIN IT THIS WAY. He has clearly set man to be the head of the church, and so women need to be under man's authority. Women can speak over women, but not over men. All I hear in the world when it comes to women pastor's is, equality, equal rights, women can do it too. No, women can't. Why do you think God made scripture this way? Why do you think He made the church the way He made it? Because it was for our own good. We must not change up the ordinances of the church, as we see so much around the world. It's sinful to do things contrary to what God has ordained and let me tell you: He will never bless it. 

Ladies, I could go on forever in this subject. I could list verse after verse after verse, but I have seen it fail in my own life. I have not submitted under the authority set before me and it only reaps sin. Period. Once we fail to submit under our parents, teachers, school board, leaders, pastors, managers... we end up becoming full of pride, bitter and it adds up to us thinking that we're worthy of something when... news flash: we're worthy of NOTHING apart from Jesus Christ. We won't be able to submit, ever, unless we are broken and yearning for a heart that pleases the Lord. Selfishness, pride, arrogance, bitterness, self-absorption... these things can be seriously dangerous for our spiritual lives. Unless we are completely emptied and poured out as an offering for the Lord, we will never experience true joy. We must be willing and ready to pour out everything that we have, all our hopes, desires, dreams, wants... and say, "Lord, I surrender all these things... and I only want the desires of my heart that YOU have for me." It is until we can fully be broken in surrender that God can show us how to submit under the leadership over us.

Ladies, it isn't "old fashioned" or "sexist" when we submit under the authority of the spouse God has given us, or will give us. We are called to RESPECT our husbands. Submitting under his authority is just part of this showing our respect. God is so clear in this. Men, it is also your job to LEAD women into more of the image of Christ. Be the example of Christ in her life... your ultimate goal (aside from devoting your whole lives unto God) is to be pointing her unto Christ. Oh, how the Lord desires all of us! He desires our entire being. He has ordained marriage for HIS purpose and plan. Marriage isn't just about falling in love, having companionship, and being happy with who you're with. Those are little blessings along the way. But God ordained marriage, and because He ordained it, it should be all about HIM. Marriage should be the union of two souls who come together as one flesh to glorify Him, serve Him in the ministry, and devote their lives unto Him 24/7. To me, that is the purpose of such a beautiful union. I want nothing to do with marriage if it is only for my own selfish ambitions and desires. It isn't all about me.. it's all about Jesus. Ever. Always. Forever.

May we ladies pray that God would give us hearts that don't scream for equality, but hearts that yearn to see us glorifying Him in everything. May we realize that the standards this world has placed before us are not Biblical standards. They are not upright. Being a stay at home mom, raising the children, and being a house-wife is the most blessed, rewarding, and beautiful job I could ever imagine. I don't care if it's old fashioned. I would rather do nothing else than serve my family, raise my family, and teach my family values that are of the Lord.

In this season I must serve my GOD with all that I am. 1 Corinthians 7:34 says, " ...the unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit..." This is my heart. My aim is to glorify God in all things, in my body, spirit, mind, and actions. I want to learn NOW how to be a woman of virtue.. a woman who is beautiful in the sight of Christ not because of me on the outside, but because of my heart.

May we each pray that God would continue to mold us more into the image of His Son, and that we would learn more and more what it truly means to hold ourselves up as women of God.

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.  'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respect her husband." ~ Ephesians 5:22-33

the circle of friendship.

This coming Saturday is the Purity Conference... wow I can't believe how quickly the time went. I remember back in March when I received a phone call asking if I would speak...not once but TWICE. I was shocked. And amazed...and quite excited. Yet I had looked back on my life and the years I wasn't walking with the Lord, and I knew that if I hadn't gone through anything I went through...there would be no way He could use me to minister to my precious sisters. There is SO MUCH that women struggle with when we are walking close knit with the Lord. Actually, women in our society today, Christians or not struggle with a lot. We are told how to act, what to look like, who to date, which friends to associate with, and most of the time we struggle with low self esteem so of course we agree, and do what the world tells us to do.

I have been on my face, in tears, and fasting for these precious women who will be coming this weekend. Not only them, but for ME too. I am a nobody. I'm not worthy enough that God would choose me to speak, yet apparently He just desires that I do it. People come up to me and ask all the time, "Are you scared or nervous? I would have to say no if I was asked!" As I step back and think about that, I can't help but to think how sad that is! All I can reply with is, "No. I'm confidant because I know the Lord has commanded me to do it.. and I have to obey." It isn't a matter of fear, worry, anxiety or stress. The Lord has pressed women around this country on my heart so much the past few years. It's as if I have known women so well, even though I don't... just realizing the struggles I faced before Jesus, and even while walking with Jesus. We have such a high calling to holiness that we don't even realize, ladies. I fail at this every single day. Yet, I am excited about this coming conference, because the Lord has commanded me. These girls are my life. My heart goes out to them immensely.

Not only them... but as I was praying the other day for them, I couldn't help but to be burdened for the women on Campus at CCBC this semester. There is such a need for a lifestyle of holiness to be implemented on our women... and yes, on the men too. Yet, I failed miserably last semester at living a lifestyle of holiness. I can admit, with shame, that I was more concerned with the way I looked rather than radiating Christ, that some of my morals slipped down the toilet. Things I would never ever see myself wearing beforehand I was wearing. Attitudes I would never desire I was attaining. Earthly things I should not be placing hope in, I was placing all my hope in. Who was I? I really messed up and I am so thankful that my God received me again. I remember sitting in the prayer chapel one day, towards the end of the semester, and just feeling completely hopeless. I had allowed myself to get so out of control when it came to everything. My devotional time with the Lord was zero. The fellowship wasn't there. I wasn't being kept accountable, and I was hanging around doing things I shouldn't have necessarily been doing. All I could keep saying to myself, and the Lord was that I didn't want to be the girl I used to be before Christ. I didn't want to slip back into the 'old man' so to say. I remember sitting in the prayer chapel and just crying out of my own disgust. I was sick of the path I was walking, and I was sick of forsaking the One true Love that I had ever known. I remember Satan trying to whisper in my ear, "Just give up. Walk away from the entire ministry. It isn't worth it, see? You just keep going back to the old lifestyle and you should. It's more fun. It's easier. It's better." So I stood up and walked out thinking, "Ok, that's it. I'm done."

The Lord quickly prompted me to talk to my dad about stuff. I called him up and just wept. All I could do was cry... knowing that I had failed spiritually so much. It brought me back to the story of Peter in the Gospel of Luke where Jesus tells him that he will deny Jesus three times, and he doesn't believe him. What does Peter do once he realizes what happened? He went out and wept bitterly. Did the Lord receive him back? Of course. I kept thinking that I was just like Peter. The Lord had warned me in the beginning of the semester to be on guard. He kept telling me to guard my heart, to stand fast in the faith and to flee from Satan. He kept telling me to trust in Him, wait on Him, and abide in Him. Yet I thought I was 'too good' or 'better' than most... pride. Ugliness. I continue to remember that I am not immune to sin. I am so quick to fall away and fall short of God's goodness. I am more susceptible to sin than anyone, if anything! I must daily be broken over my sin.

So, as I was praying the other day all I could think about was the women on campus. My heart broke. Ladies, we must make sure we are not walking in the course of the world. When we are on that campus, we have responsibilities. We are to walk worthy of the calling with which we are called, we are to be above reproach, we are to dress modestly, we are to walk in holiness, and to edify/encourage our brothers in Christ. We should not be so concerned with impressing them, but praying for them, encouraging them, and building them up with God's word. We must be concerned with seeking God's face in all things. I was so burdened thinking about the legacy we will leave behind if we do not walk according to the Spirit. I have seen it in myself more than anyone, that when I am not obeying God's command and walking in His holiness, I am totally setting not only myself up for failure, but I am setting people around me to stumble and fall. On that campus I have one job: to glorify God in all things and to please the King in every aspect of my life. Not just some, but EVERY aspect of my life. I continue to go back to Esther, and she is the reason I titled this blog the way I did :) She was so concerned not with pleasing people in the palace, or looking beautiful on the outside, or being friends with the king, but she was concerned with doing what was upright, pleasing in the king's sight. She risked her life in order to obey the commands set before her. What a woman she was.

And we too, as ladies in the Lord must obey His commands. We are called, commanded, destined to live a lifestyle of holiness, purity, modesty, righteousness, and uprightness. We are called to edify our brothers, not to stumble them. We are called to pray for our sisters who we are around all the time. One other thing I was super convicted about: JEALOUSY. Ladies, we are so prone to compare ourselves to each other. What's with that? The Lord has created each and every one of us uniquely. If we compare each other, then jealousy gets in the way. Then before you know it bitterness and anger get in the way, and there's division among the body of Christ. Jealousy, backbiting, gossip, envy, strife.... these things are TEARING US APART. These are the reasons so many friendships don't go anywhere, and why many of them fail. I am so at fault for this too. Backbiting, gossip... let's just say I take part in them more than anyone I'm sure. It's sin. It's ugly. It's vicious. It's dangerous. It's poison. We must make sure that as we are sisters in Christ, we must treat each other as such! Pray for each other. Trust each other. Yet, make sure that when people tell us things... we can be counted faithful and trustworthy. ANOTHER area I struggle with.. being a big mouth! I'm not ashamed to admit it, but I am ashamed OF IT. I know the Lord is at work in me... but it is so important that we can be women who can go to each other for prayer requests, encouragements, and accountability. Who else can we go to? And let me just say: go to your SISTERS in Christ before you go to your brothers. That can be a dangerous scenario. Bearing your heart to a brother in Christ can eventually lead to emotions arising, which it says in Song of Solomon, "DO NOT AWAKEN LOVE UNTIL IT PLEASES". First, go to God. Pray about Him bringing you a trustworthy gal you can share your heart with. Pray for each other.

I know that Satan wants to destroy the friendships on that campus..but we are called to love each other, pray for each other, and bare with one anothers burdens. In our society, it is so easy to fall into the traps that they set before us, yet as women of Christ we have no business dealing with the affairs of this world. We are called to transform rather than conform to it. We are called to be molded more into the image of Christ.

So, please, pray NOW for who your roommates will be. Pray now for the girls on that campus... that your hearts would be guarded and that all jealousy, hatred, bitterness, backbiting, gossip, would not continue on our lips. I know I must pray this for me constantly. I am at fault all the time...but I know the Lord is doing a huge work in me, too.

"Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another..." ~ Romans 12:9-16

magnify Him.

Everytime I come to Luke Chapter 1 I get so teary eyed and awestruck at Mary's Song. I'm not sure if you've ever seen The Nativity but if you haven't, it will really change the way this story in Luke comes alive. What a beautiful picture portrayed here. Think about it. Mary, who was not much older than 15 years of age, was just told that she was to bare a Son. Confused and curious, she didn't understand considering she had not been with a man sexually. Yet, what did she do? Submitted under the lordship of God, and became humble under His authority. Wow. Can you imagine? Imagine you, minding your own business then all of a sudden that week you go to the doctor and wind up pregnant. With no sexual communication with a man, and all God tells you is, "This is My will for you." What would you do? I know in those days, it was custom to stone a woman who was sexually impure before marriage. Actually, when women got married, they were supposed to wait 1 year before becoming sexually intimate with their spouses. So you can already imagine the worry and fear that must have swept over Mary. Yet, she did not show one ounce of it. What did she do instead? I love love LOVE verses 46-55 of Luke 1. They read:

"My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior. For He has regarded the lowly state of His maidservant; for behold, henceforth all generations will call me blessed. For He who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is His name. And His mercy is on those who fear Him from generation to generation. He has shown strength with His arm; He has scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts. He has put down the mighty from their thrones, and exalted the lowly. He has filled the hungry with good things, and the rich He has sent away empty. He has helped His servant Israel, in rememberance of His mercy, as He spoke to our fathers, to Abraham and to his seed forever."

Mary found herself blessed, and thankful that God would look upon her and think highly of her to carry His Son. She was praising Him for His goodness and sovereignty. Even in the midst of a situation that looked bad on the outside, Mary chose to praise, honor, and submit under God's authority. Isn't that something?

As women, we tend to face many struggles in our walks with the Lord. They can be endless. Gossip, friendships, relationships, singleness, health, 'self' image.... there are so many trials we face as women in the Lord. Yet just know...every trial you face is just one step gloser to growing more and more into the image of Christ. Each trial, tribulation, and hurt is Him pruning you, molding you, and shaping you for His eternal kingdom! It's so hard to praise God in the midst of horrible situations. But honestly ladies, we are commanded to do this! To think of a young girl, submitting under God's authority, praising Him in the midst of her circumstance, and trusting fully in Him... it amazes me.

Oh, how I fall short every single day with these things. If there is something minor that goes wrong in my life, it's anger, questions, bitterness, sadness. But why? The Lord knows what He's doing. He's obviously fashioned me together...so He has His purposes perfectly. If we can't stand strong in the faith during small hardships girls, we will never be able to stand strong in the Lord during huge hardships. The Lord loves you. He has designed you uniquely for His purpose...and every circumstance that comes your way is in His perfect divine plan for your life.

I just love verse 49, "He who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is His name." If only we can look our trials in the face and proclaim, My GOD has done great things for me! Holy is HE! Man, I'm sure Satan wouldn't be able to even think about touching us.

Ladies, it all goes back to brokenness and prayer. We need to be daily in communion and fellowship with our Lord Jesus every single day. We need to be on our knees, and on our faces before Him exalting Him, praising Him, and pouring our hearts out into Him. He knows you better than anyone else. We should be yearning to spend the most time with Him! No one should compare. He knows your frame, your life is continually before Him.

Trust Him. In every circumstance, give glory to God. Remember the woman of God Mary was. May we pray that our hearts would ever be submissive unto God's ultimate authority, and may we yearn to be women of godliness more and more each day.

"Blessed is she who believed, for there will be a fulfillment of those things which were told her from the Lord." ~ Luke 1:45

our most prized possessions.

The Lord really blessed me on the flight over to Arizona with some good devotional time :) It was everything I needed and wanted, and the only thing missing was my Starbucks! I was reading through the Gospels and I happened to be in the book of Mark. I just love the Gospels. Whenever someone is really questioning their faith in the Lord, or wondering what "our faith" is all about, I point them to the Gospels. Such rich encouragement, and beautiful portrayals of Jesus' faithfulness and love for His people. I came across Mark 14:3-9 and I just had to read it over and over again. I'm sure you know the story? Jesus was with His disciples and went into the house of Simon the leper. He sat at a table and a woman came by with her most costly oil.

Now, I don't know a whole lot about this alabastar flask of oil, but what I do know is that this was the most expensive commodity that a woman owned, if she was even able to afford it. Say you traveled to Paris or Italy and bought the most expensive perfume on the market. It may have costed you over five grand or so. That is what I think of. Now only did this woman take her oil, but she anointed Jesus with it. She took the one thing that was the most expensive, and probably the most prized by her, and she surrendered it to the Lord.

Ladies, my heart broke after reading this one. Here was this woman who didn't have a lot, but the one thing she did have, the most costly thing, she was willing and able to give up to glorify her King and bless Him. I had to stop and ponder the things that I really loved in my life. Earthly posessions aren't sinful to have, but it is what we do with them that could turn them that way. Are we so stuck on our earthly treasures that we lose sight of who our God is? Are we so bent on gaining more things on earth, rather than spending more time in the Word, prayer, and fellowship with His saints? I know that in my life, the little things were my 'idols'. I had to let go of many things that interfered with my love relationship with Jesus. It isn't easy, but we need to be women who are willing to submit and sacrifice. When we submit to the Lord, we are showing utmost respect for what He's calling us to do. He may call you to say goodbye to a job, or a boyfriend, or your computer, or something really valuable to you so that you can continue in the life He has for you.

Everyone can get distracted, but I think that as women, we can easily be distracted by money, shopping, clothes, makeup, all these things that aren't neccessities. We need to stop looking in the mirror so much and continue looking upward. It's so so so difficult, but we need to remember that we must continue doing what the Lord has called us to be doing and not be so caught up in ourselves.

This woman is such a good picture of how we, as women should be. She was willing to give up her most prized posession to please her Savior. She was willing to say goodbye to the thing she really liked in order to please the Lord. Is there something in your life that you put before Him? Is there something you need to surrender? I know there is for me. I know that reading this convicted my heart so much. One thing I think we all, as women, can and should surrender is our whole hearts. Just like this flask of fragrant oil poured out upon Him, we should pour out our hearts unto Him. We should be giving Him our whole hearts. It is for His purposes and pleasure to do all things in and through us. That's something I know He needs to take control of.

Praying that each of us as women continue steadfastly not in this world's goods or temporary pleasures, but looking ever unto heaven, unto our Savior, and unto all that He has for us. Earthly posessions and treasures are okay to have, but we need to make sure we are not consumed with them.

"..He sat at a table, a woman came having an alabastar flask of very costly oil of spikenard. Then she broke the flask and poured it on His head ... [Jesus said] she has done what she could. She has come beforehand to anoint my body for burial. Assuredly, I say to you, wherever this gospel is preached in the whole world, what this woman has done will also be told as a memorial to her."~Mark 14:3, 8-9

most precious gift.

Now that I'm 22, I look back on my teenage years and can't help but to be humbled, amazed, and so thankful that God saved me from things that could have been awful. The Lord really spared me from situations that could have caused severe heartache, rather than temporary heartbreak. Im not quite sure why, but growing up I always felt super self-conscience about myself. I was told randomly that I needed to look better, different, or just continue to change things about myself in order to fit in. I watched a whole lot of television. The shows I was watching on TV had girls that were super skinny, blonde, and beautiful. So, because I was heavily influenced by the media, everytime I saw someone on TV look a certain way or wear a certain shirt, I needed to be just like that. I was never satisfied with who I was in Christ. In fact, I wasn't walking at all with the Lord throughout Jr. High and HS. I knew in my mind who the Lord was, but my heart wasn't living it.

8th grade started and of course started the new trend: boyfriends. If I didn't have a boyfriend I was lost. I started "dating" in 7th grade, and it just continued all the way until I turned 20. It was an awful trend. I had a boyfriend and I was complete. It was as if he was filling the void of everything I needed in my life. If I was lonely, I would want him. If I was happy I would say it was because of him. If I was upset I would blame him. Not only was I super dependant on man rather than the Lord, but I was selfish, bitter, and self-absorbed. I spent more time fixing myself and being "popular" with looks and a boyfriend than praying to grow into a sweet, kind, gentle, and quiet woman the Lord calls us to be. So, I would pick fights. I would want everything my way. Ladies, my life revolved around men, relationships and intimacy. It was all I searched for, and it was all I hoped for. In my mind I knew that I needed 'more' than just a relationship here on earth. I knew the Lord was pursuing me in mighty ways. I could feel His Spirit and His voice in my mind telling me, "Turn to Me. I am the only hope and peace you can find." I understood that the Lord had something better in mind, but I always wanted to be able to know that someone was there physically to make me feel better. I was selfish, and I was chasing things that didn't satisfy in the end.

I always tell people that before I truly surrenderd my life over to the Lord, I was super blessed because I knew that He was pursuing me at such a young age. I knew the still small voice in my mind guiding and leading me, but more then half the time I ignored Him. Thankfully, and by His grace, through my ignorance and self-absorbtion the Lord led me out of situations that were beyond my control. It is because of His goodness and love for me that He brought me out of a physically abusive relationship. He brought me out of MANY situations that should have led to teen pregnancy, and He taught me to rely on Him rather than anyone else in this world. My GOD created me, fashioned me, and was so good to bring me to a newness of life later down the road.

Ladies, the danger we face as women still go back to our self issues. It is because of self-centeredness that we desire physical and earthly relationships. The Bible is clear that dating and marriage isn't wrong but it's how you go about them.

1 Corinthians 7:32-35 says: "But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the LORD--how he may please the LORD. But he who is married cares about the things of the world--how he may please his wife. There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the LORD, that she may be holy in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world--how she may please her husband. And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the LORD without distraction."

Ladies, it is NOT sin to date/court, and eventually get married. The Bible has many scriptures that indicates the purpose of marriage, and I won't get into them all. Yet, as I have continued to grow with the Lord, I have begun to see that I don't want to get married for intimacy, or love, or joy.. though those things will come. I want to get married so we can further His kingdom, so that we can fulfill the ministry God has called us to, and if that means He has a ministry for me as a single woman to do alone, then I give Him praise and glory, because I DO want to be without distraction. I know that if and when the time comes, the Lord will make it super clear that he's not a distraction, but a leader, and a blessing in my life. Up until then ladies, I do not want to stir nor awaken love. Song of Solomon is very clear about us stirring up love and relationships before it's His perfect timing. I will tell you, your relationship with your boyfriend will never be blessed, fruitful, or successful if he's a nonbeliever, if you're sexually intimate, if it isn't the Lord's timing, or if you aren't putting God at the forefront of your relationship. If you are into ANY of these things: CUT IT OFF NOW. Ladies, we are called to a lifestyle of holiness and purity. Unless the Lord has ordained your relationship then it will be extremely difficult to stay pure and life an upright life together.

Let me go on for the record and say, that dating before the age of 18 is really pointless, girls! Growing up in and out of relationships I was suffering from major issues of heartache, anxiety, eating habits, depression, I was up and down and the roller coaster never ended. I wound up crying over my boyfriend being on vacation for 7 days instead of trusting in the Lord with everything. It was the most unhealthy cycle I think I have ever struggled with. It is okay to want to be in a relationship with someone, but what is your focus? Who are you placing your hope in? Your trust? Your heart? The Lord is the only One who should have all of your heart, ladies. It says in Proverbs 23:26, "My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways."

It's hard at a young age when everyone around you is dating or getting into relationships. Waiting for the one God has for you is the most precious thing you can do. I have found that the season of your singleness is a season that you will want to cherish for a lifetime ladies. When you are single, there are so many things you can do, and are called to do that you won't be able to do in marriage. This is the only time you will be with just you and the Lord. The only person you should be getting to know right now is Him! He's your priority. He's your love, He's your life, He's everything that you should be investing your time, love, and energy into. He's the One who loved you from before the foundations of the world. He fashioned you and planned out your life, don't you trust that He's got the most perfect earthly love for you too? IF you trust Him, wait on Him, and fulfill your ministry here on earth...then when it's His perfect timing it'll work out. We should not be so bent and focused on which guy we think is cute, or who we can date next. Those attributes actually prove to people your character. Do you want to be a Proverbs 7 woman? Or a Proverbs 31 woman? The Lord should be glorified in every thing you say, do, and think. We need to make sure our hearts are right before Him in all things.

Ladies, I pray that each and every one of us will be able to let go of the things of this world. Our citizenship is in heaven, it is with Christ we should be satisfied and we need to make sure we are purified in our hearts to further His kingdom. This is our purpose. A few years back I was really struggling with letting go of a relationship that was seriously dangerous. I knew several times that the Lord wanted me to say goodbye to this person, yet I was suffering with thoughts like, "What if he really does love me?" "Maybe I won't find anyone else ever." Those were the things that I believe Satan tried to use. I knew through Scripture, prayer, and church that I needed to let go, and every time I went to read my devotional I would feel convicted and it would tear me away from the Lord... red flag right there!!! The Godly man God has for you should bring you closer and closer to Jesus. He should ever be pointing you to the Savior.. that's it! Anyway, I was really having a hard time and one night I had a crazy dream. This dream stuck with me and it was totally the Lord giving me a clear cut sign to say GOODBYE for good. It was only 1 week after I finally said 'goodbye' to this man. I remember it wasn't a huge dramatic goodbye, but I had finally snapped and was tired of being used and abused. I told him the truth of how I felt and told him I wanted nothing to do with him anymore, or us anymore. I left and that was that. As Satan kept trying to pull me back the Lord gave me this dream and I'll never forget it:

It was my wedding day and everything was super sweet. I had my bridesmaids all ready and set to go. My dad and mom were in the next room preparing to get the wedding started. It was in a beautiful church and it was packed with family and friends. I remember my wedding dress being the whitest white I could ever see...a signification of my purity and faithfulness as the Lord spared me. I continued to finish my makeup and everything was super perfect. I had my dress, my friends, this extravagant wedding but there was one thing wrong with the picture: the man I was marrying. I remember walking into the next room to see my mom and dad. They pleaded with me, knowing that the Lord spoke to them, too. I remember my dad telling me, "You can get out of this. You can say you don't want to go through with this. I really believe you'll be miserable the rest of you life. It's not too late to call it off." The look on my parents' face just killed me. It was that look of worry, hurt, anxiety, and even fear. They knew I was making the hugest mistake, and I could just look at them knowing I was too. I was afraid to call it off because of all my friends and family. I didn't want to make a scene. "Settling" with this man was something I was willing to do just because I wanted someone there all the time, and I needed someone there all the time. God wasn't enough. I remember walking into another room with my soon to be husband in it. I went in and talked with him, sharing my heart and how I was super blessed and excited to be spending the rest of my life with him. I told him how much I loved him and how amazing our lives would be toghether. He looked back at me, not smiling, not saying anything, just staring at me...almost glaring at me. I knew then, that he didn't love me. That this whole 'wedding' didn't change him, and nothing I could do could make him love me the way I wanted to, but we still went through with it. It was too late...the wedding started and my dad was ready to walk me down. All of a sudden terror, hurt, anxiety, and worry flooded over me. I was sweating, I was panicked, and I wanted out.. I couldn't do it but a little voice in my head told me it was too late and I was stuck for life. Abuse, hurt, no matter what..we were to be married. Music played and I grabbed my daddy's arm and all I wanted to do was cry. As I walked halfway down the aisle I woke up..thankful, tearful that it was all FAKE! I remember sitting up in my bed and thinking, wow..wow..WOW..that was so the Lord. I knew that if I wouldn't say 'goodbye' to this man, I would be miserable the rest of my life. It wasn't the Lord's will for me. All I could do was fall on my face in thankfulness, adoration, and praise that God showed me once again His goodness in my life. It was all a dream...and from that moment on I swore never to date again, or stir up love until it pleased Him.

Ladies, that dream was a total wake up call, or smack in the face I guess. I'm not perfect, and I've messed up a few times after that. But I know that the Lord is super serious about our dating decisions. He loves you so much and only wants HIS best for you. Not the most popular guy in school, or the cutest, or the one who all the girls like.. but HIS best for you, in HIS timing, at HIS approval. I encourage you to be faithful in this season of your singleness, and don't rush. Just because 'everyone else is doing it' doesnt mean it's right, or for you. The Lord is the Master of all...let Him intertwine your heart with your husbands when it is perfect. Why rush His perfect plan? I have found that I would choose nothing other than the season I'm in right now. Oh, it is so blessed!!!! I have grown to love the Lord so much...and I don't want to stop. My biggest fear is being distracted, yet I know the Lord is faithful. Be on your face daily before Him. Pray that your heart would only yearn to know His, and pray that when it is HIS timing, He will bring you the one He has for you. Until then, "Be watchful in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry." 2 Timothy 4:5

Jesus is what our eyes should be looking after.

"I sought him, but I did not find him. I will rise now, and go about the city; in the streets and in the squares I will seek the one I love. I sought him, but I did not find him ... I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases." Song of Solomon 3:1-2, 5