The Lord is so good to me. I can’t believe all that He’s done thus far…day 5! I’m back at Bible College now. The Lord has definitely prepared me for this season in my life. I remember last semester. I was so eager to get involved, so willing to dive right into whatever He wanted, but the theme continued to be the same: “Wait on Me.” That was my life. I was called to wait on Him, and so I did..or so I tried. Sure, I made many mistakes, but I prayed that the Lord would continue to mold my heart. This past Summer as I have said, I had the honor and privilege to speak at our Purity Conference. God was so evident there. I couldn’t believe it.
Over the Summer the Lord began to put an intense burden on my heart to be in prayer over revival, the women in our generation and on our campus, and the calling He’s placed on my life. Whenever I do my devotions, I usually just read whatever He has placed on my heart that day, month, or season. This Summer He continued to give me 1 & 2 Peter, 1 & 2 Kings, Titus, and Esther as the main books to really study. Now, the Lord used 1 Peter 2:9 to confirm the calling on my life once I surrendered to Him, and just reading 1 & 2 Peter is incredible. They’re two of my favorite books of the Bible. So, I studied up. Not that I know much, because truly, I know nothing. But the Lord began to give me wisdom through prayer, zealousness, and a desire/hunger for His word. I couldn’t get enough of Titus, 1 & 2 Timothy, Esther, and 1 & 2 Peter. I was just eating it all up…and I still can’t get enough.
I love 1 & 2 Timothy, and Titus because they really show a good example of what women in the church, and in the world need to act like. They give us great insights on how women should behave, dress, and what our roles are. I remember last semester the Lord giving me these books of the Bible as books that I should cling to with all my heart. The passion and desire for women of holiness continued ringing in my heart. He gave me these books to meditate on and pray over, because if someday, He calls me to lead women’s ministry or girl’s youth ministry, then I can have those firm foundations. They’re incredible books. I am blessed.
Last semester I applied for a teacher’s assistant position here at Bible College. The Lord really gave me a desire to be a T.A. and to get back into assisting teachers. I mean, He has allowed me and graciously given me jobs in schools years before, so why not? It would be neat. He is so faithful. I just continued to pray over the position. Sure, I wanted it, but what did God want? Often times, that’s the thing us girls (and anyone in Christ) need to remember. I’m reading “The Privilege” by Pastor’s Wife Kay Smith. Man, what an incredible book this is! Ladies, pick it up! She talks in an entire chapter about what our lives look like surrendered, denied, and sacrificed on the altar. Is your life daily sacrificed on the altar? Are we daily denying ourselves, our hopes, dreams, wants, desires, plans, so that we can only walk in accordance to what God has for us? This is ever important. As women in Christ, handmaidens of the Lord, we must must must make sure we are denying ourselves, every day, all day! The flesh creeps up. We’ve seen it, and we know it all too well.
So, of course I knew what I wanted, but what did God want? The entire week before I left for Bible College, I was having these weird dreams about someone that I knew in my past. I won’t get into serious detail, but basically, I had wronged this person pretty bad before. We had reconciled, or so I think. And I’ve apologized, this person has apologized, but these dreams kept reoccurring. Dreams of hanging out with them, being with them, and I continued to wonder, why? I don’t believe all dreams come from God, or from Satan. Dreams can come from God, or Satan. These dreams I don’t believe came from either..maybe a little bit of temptation. So, the day I left for California, I just kept thinking about it! I hadn’t talked to this person in a few months. And making initiative would be opening up a can of worms I wasn’t sure was edifying to my life in Christ. So, naturally in my flesh I said, “Lord, I am going to text this person today. Apologize, and tell them what an inspiration and Godly person they are!” But then I re-thought that. Again, here I am, trying to control the situations in my life. And why? God has it way more under control that I ever could. So I prayed. I was like, “Lord, do You want me to do this? Is this what You have me to do? Please, make it clear. I need a sign from Your Word, prayer, and Your Holy Spirit. Let me know..” I opened my Bible up and God gave me Isaiah 65:17-18, “For behold, I create new heavens and a new earth; And the former shall not be remembered or come to mind. But be glad and rejoice forever in what I create. . .”
Thinking about my friendship with this person was just comfortable. I was clinging to the past, because of my own selfish insecurities and emotions. But, what was good according to God? He quickly reminded me, “Angela, rejoice in what I will create. I’m going to do a new thing. Stop thinking and reflecting on the past. It’s over. It’s done. It shouldn’t be remembered.” Wow God, thank You. It’s true, though. We must stop seeking after old things God has taken away from us. Don’t you know what He wants to do in you this season of your life? It may be a season where He calls you to just wait on Him. Or, it may be a season where He opens many doors. Either way, be obedient. Be willing to deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow wherever He leads you. Valleys, springs, deserts… it’s all for His glory. Why complain or change it?
On the plane ride over I was questioning God’s calling on my life. Don’t we always do that? Especially as women we overanalyze everything and we think, “Really?” It brings me back to the book of Genesis where the serpent tested Eve and made her question God’s promises. That’s exactly what he wants to do to us. Dangerous. I prayed over and over that God would continue to confirm the calling on my heart for full time ministry, for women’s ministry and for girls ministry. I prayed on Tuesday that God would show me exactly what He wanted for me, and from me this semester.
Yesterday I went to my orientation for my T.A. position. I was super stoked! Knowing what He had in store for me. They place you with three to four classes to T.A. I was expectant, because I was excited to work alongside the teachers, grade papers, and minister to the students. Once my name got called, I almost couldn’t believe the classes God placed me in to T.A. 1 & 2 Peter, 1 & 2 Kings and Titus, and Ruth and Esther. No joke! He so knew last year that I would be used in these classes to minster to students, know wisdom from His word, and be a blessing. I was astonished. Not only that, but the dean of women and women’s ministry leader from school teach Ruth and Esther. The Lord gave me an intense burden to study up on Ruth and Esther this Summer. I met with the dean of women yesterday to introduce myself and tell her I was her T.A. and that I would be willing to do whatever she needed. Wouldn’t you know, I get to work alongside them this semester, praying for the women on this campus, being an encouragement, and ministering to the women! I was blown away. And honored. To think that I could be one chosen by God, to work alongside such wonderful Godly women! It’s exactly what my heart desired…yet I didn’t know what His plan was. One day after praying a prayer, one day after questioning what God had, He showed me right away. “See? I have told you that I am going to do exceedingly abundantly above all that you ask or think. I have inscribed you in the palms of My hands. Your walls are continually before Me.” God, You are phenomenal. No words can sufficiently describe You.
On the plane ride over I was questioning God’s calling on my life. Don’t we always do that? Especially as women we overanalyze everything and we think, “Really?” It brings me back to the book of Genesis where the serpent tested Eve and made her question God’s promises. That’s exactly what he wants to do to us. Dangerous. I prayed over and over that God would continue to confirm the calling on my heart for full time ministry, for women’s ministry and for girls ministry. I prayed on Tuesday that God would show me exactly what He wanted for me, and from me this semester.
Yesterday I went to my orientation for my T.A. position. I was super stoked! Knowing what He had in store for me. They place you with three to four classes to T.A. I was expectant, because I was excited to work alongside the teachers, grade papers, and minister to the students. Once my name got called, I almost couldn’t believe the classes God placed me in to T.A. 1 & 2 Peter, 1 & 2 Kings and Titus, and Ruth and Esther. No joke! He so knew last year that I would be used in these classes to minster to students, know wisdom from His word, and be a blessing. I was astonished. Not only that, but the dean of women and women’s ministry leader from school teach Ruth and Esther. The Lord gave me an intense burden to study up on Ruth and Esther this Summer. I met with the dean of women yesterday to introduce myself and tell her I was her T.A. and that I would be willing to do whatever she needed. Wouldn’t you know, I get to work alongside them this semester, praying for the women on this campus, being an encouragement, and ministering to the women! I was blown away. And honored. To think that I could be one chosen by God, to work alongside such wonderful Godly women! It’s exactly what my heart desired…yet I didn’t know what His plan was. One day after praying a prayer, one day after questioning what God had, He showed me right away. “See? I have told you that I am going to do exceedingly abundantly above all that you ask or think. I have inscribed you in the palms of My hands. Your walls are continually before Me.” God, You are phenomenal. No words can sufficiently describe You.
So, that’s where God has me as of now. I am amazed. Not only that, but He has opened numerous doors for me to minister to my roommates, the girls around campus, and to just pray. I just love praying for them. I’m learning what it means to be a woman of a quiet and gentle spirit. I’m learning what it means to be a woman of love, service, and surrender. Pouring out my life for others when I have my own plans isn’t always easy. Sometimes God calls us to throw away the plans we’ve made for our days to minister to others. Some other days, He doesn’t. But whatever He has for me, day by day, whether something or nothing, I pray that I can be obedient, willing, and sacrificed on the altar for Him.
It’s all about His kingdom. It’s all about ultimate surrender. It’s all about doing business until He comes. I want no other desire than Him. I want no other focus than Him. I want my heart to be steadfast on Him. My eyes to be ever fixed upon Him. My hands to be diligent to work only for His kingdom. My feet to be quick and obedient to the steps He’s ordained for me. And I want my entire being: soul, body, spirit, and heart to be sacrificed, willing, offered, and surrendered. Whether through valleys, deserts, or springs, may I rejoice, be glad, and submit under whatever He wants to do.
"Shepherd the flock of God which is among you, serving as overseers, not by compulsion but willingly, not for dishonest gain but eagerly; nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock; and when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that does not fade away." ~ 1 Peter 5:2-4
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