flrting is innocent fun, right?

I think that this topic can go for men and women. Yet, coming from a girl whose life revolved around the opposite sex prior to becoming saved in Christ, flirting was just simple fun. There was nothing dangerous about it, and whenever I had the chance to flirt, I would. Before I became a Christian I took flirting to the extreme. Guys didn't like me because of my love for the Lord, and I even got non-believers to like me. If that isn't dangerous enough. Yet, as I think back to the years prior to knowing the Lord, and even now, I realize that flirting isn't just done in one specific way. Flirting can be done in several, multiple, various ways. And let me tell you, flirting is DANGEROUS. It will not benefit you, it will not fulfill you, it will not satisfy you, and it will not bring you long term happiness.

Ever since I was 12 years old I learned how to flirt. Why not? I was young, attractive, and everyone around me was doing it. In fact, growing up in junior high it was unusual to NOT flirt with someone of the opposite sex. Yet the next six years of my life would prove to be the most detrimental to my growth, and my spiritual walk. It started out with *Joe (names changed haha). We were each others first relationship. I guess you could say it was harmless. We started dating in the 5th grade. yes, I know what you're thinking, really? Fifth grade? Yes. And it was merely innocent.. I guess. We flirted, and there was no physical contact thankfully. Then two years later there was Dan and I guess you could say we were each others for real, first relationship. But...maybe not. We never hung out. I mean, it was the 7th grade... relationships didn't really matter back then. So then we broke up. Then started the one relationship that would change my life the most. 8th grade. Ben came into my life, and I guess you could say that it was seriously, the first serious relationship. Yet, he wasn't a believer. By God's grace, he got saved through my parents, and me. Yet, after the eight month mark our relationship became purely physical. Sure, we "loved" each other. I guess you could say you never really get over your first serious relationship. Not necessarily sure that's a true statement, but whatever. We cared deeply for each other, and with those feelings we added the physical factor. Danger. Once that relationship ended I went out with someone else. This relationship was ONLY physical. There were no emotions of caring there. In fact, he dumped me because I wouldn't sleep with him, molested me, and I am blessed and grateful to GOD that He spared me from more. Even then, He was pursuing me when I did not obey His commands.

I knew what the right things to do were, yet I disobeyed the Lord. I knew I needed to walk away, but I refused. So came my other boyfriend. We dated two years. It was a rocky two years. Started off great, I guess... but the physical came on only three weeks after dating. We should have ended the relationship there, but we didn't. It spiraled out of control. From physical abuse, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and obsessive controlling.. it was just awful. It wasn't until then, when I was 19 years old, that I said, "Lord, I am done. I can't do this anymore. I know You want me entirely to yourself, and that You want to do a work in me. I rely on men.. that's all I've ever been apart of, yet I don't want to be apart of it anymore. Please, help me. I give all I am to You." 

My fear was that if I gave God all the pieces, He would make my life miserable, and unhappy. So stupid, right? Yet on the contrary...it wasn't until I gave God all the pieces that He made my life the most joyful, the most beautiful, awesome experience, and it's been that way ever since. I was in bondage. I was addicted to my sin. So often we don't recognize we're addicted...but until we let go and surrender all we will never be able to experience abundant life.

See how it all started though? Simply with flirting. At the age of 10 years old, flirting was what got me going on the long, heartbreaking, devastating, rocky road I was about to embark in for the next nine years of my life. Little did I know, that these sufferings and sins were to be used later for God's glory. I praise Him all the more for that.

But what about now? I still fail sometimes at this. See, in my eyes, flirting can go a long way. It can be accomplished through so many things. Long conversations, eye contact, smiles, touching, incessant texting, clothing, time hanging out...I mean, there's so much. I've made the mistake of talking way too long to a guy, bearing my heart way too much to him, and flirting way too hardcore.. then realizing that I'm doing all wrong. I don't have feelings for him, I don't want to marry him, so why am I even taking the time to chat with him or be friends? Seriously though, think about it. Some of you may say, 'Well that's a little harsh... don't even be friends?' Yes, that's what I said. Think about it this way. Has ANY of your friendships with guys turned out just fine? You never had feelings for them, and they never had feelings for you? I disagree with the popular statement, "Guys and girls can be just friends."

Because I know for me, it has never turned out well. So as I continue on in my life and season of singleness, I have fallen, made horrible mistakes, but up'ed my rules and standards with men. I just recently went through my Facebook and clean swept all the men off except for family. I no longer text men every day, every other hour, or at all. Distractions distractions. Your heart goes into those. Let's take a real step back and look at the impact we are having. Simple conversations can make one person think something entirely different than they're feeling. Be cautious.

Unfortunately there's no guide book on how to handle the opposite sex. There's no list of rules and regulations. Some think kissing is innocent, I think it's dangerous. Some say talking for hours on end through texting or phone chatting is ok, but I think that it gives away pieces of your heart you don't even realize you're giving away. Some say that one on one hang out times at the coffee shop or frozen yogurt places are fine, but I think that those are danger zones in leading others to think you're dating. Some people think that watching movies ALONE at someone's house together is not a bad idea. I think it is an EXTREMELY BAD IDEA. You are giving yourselves licenses to fall into temptation! Do not! Do not! Do NOT even go there, friends. I've made that mistake too many times. It never ended well.

Be careful with who you hang out with you, how much you hang out, and how often you speak with that person. Chances are, if you are hanging out with a different guy every single day, what are your motives? Do you see the image you are portraying to others around you? Man, this has been my mistake so so so so many times. See, I care so much (sometimes too much) of what people think of me. Yet, when I make the mistake of only hanging around guys, and different ones every single day, I'm giving people the wrong impression. We are to pursue holiness, and I strongly believe that as women in the Lord we have a high calling not only to protect our hearts, but the hearts of our brothers. What are you doing to them? What have I done to them? I can say, way too much damage. And I am so at fault for that, so sorry for that.

I'm not saying don't be nice to them, or, you can't ever have guy friends. Everyone's convictions are different, but ask yourself: if this is an area you constantly trip up in, maybe you need to reevaluate your motives & actions. That's what I had to do with me.

It all goes back to: where does your hope lie? Who are you resting in? Where are you finding your love? Satisfaction? Fulfillment? Joy? Peace? It won't come from anyone other than Jesus. You can't simply have an abundant life relying on man, for the Word is clear that it says do NOT trust in men, but in the Lord.

I think our generation takes flirting way too lightly. It is a danger. I can say that nothing good comes from it. Pray about it. Ask the Lord to show you what He wants to, if you feel you struggle too. Everyone struggles with this. It isn't just me, or you, or someone else...but everyone. But we must be cautious and careful with the way we conduct ourselves, how we carry ourselves. Your thought shouldn't be, "Man, no guys ever come up to me and flirt with me." But your thought should be, "I am THANKFUL God, that I don't get all those guys." Girls are at major fault too.

Praying that we would all see the dangers in this. We must really be careful with how we conduct ourselves around the opposite sex. There is too much temptation, too much yuck that we could fall into, and should yearn to NOT fall into. The life I lived before Jesus was not a fun life. And it all stemmed from the way I carried myself and conducted myself with men. It all came from the way I gave the attention, which I shouldn't have given them.

Praying we would all be cautious, and that the young ones in our generation don't continually fall into the same bondage I fell into. Such a burden on my heart. I love all my brothers and sisters in Christ. Not one of you I do not like. We're all in it together, growing and walking with the Lord. May we walk WORTHY OF THE CALLING with which we were called.